To survive and learn fully how to tip-toe our way through recovery, we must learn the art of intimately living with ourselves. I needed this. I know, I can't speak for everyone's needs. Our trauma and experience of it. Our upbringings. All of our life-experience, has led us towards a full rich appreciation of our circumstances common to us all. Along with all we've uniquely lived. Our very common challenge remains. To overcome the adversity of trauma and PTSD in our lives.
Trauma, is an adventure of sorts. Overcoming it, a slashing through the forest of overgrown brambles in our psyche. The precious gold ring we seek in this adventure. Is to find the one true love of our life. Not the love that will be our hopeful partner along the way. The man or wife we may choose to die with in the end.
I'm speaking of, The One True Love, Living Already Inside Of Us. The truest part of ourselves tasked with taking in this adventure and walking it through to completion. All the way through it. With our earthly view of sometimes very frightening landscapes. The soul of our spirit, living right under our own skin. This is the truest love I know we are seeking with so much worldly labour to ultimately find.
'Know thyself and Heal thy Flaws. Gently, With Self-Compassion, With Grace and Self-Forgiveness.'
For, in recovery we learn. The most important person in our lives. The one that will see us through it all. To the bitter end of unexpected, untimely death. Is our true-self. The spirit, living behind the outer mask we wear. A mask of self-protection from the world we don't fully trust. A mime's disguise we've developed, unwittingly over time.
With this knowledge now deeply entrenched within my own being in terms of self-awareness. With my truest self now focused, alive and well from within. Through remission of my mental health issues, today writing these words. I actually know them to be true.
Carl Jung, when asked in an interview once, "Do you believe in God?" To this Jung replied:
"Well, I have a certain bit of problem with such things. I don't believe. Either I know a thing or I don't know a thing. It's rather childish of me to think any longer in terms of beliefs. When I know a thing. There isn't any need for belief. When it comes to KNOWING God. Yes. I know God. I know this thing called God."
I've paraphrased my mentors words. Expanded on them some to share my own strong knowing that has fully developed from it's roots in Christian life experience. Psychologically now into my human animal mind, I too know God. Therefore I too have no longer any need for childishness, arguing over His existence or non-existence within myself. That long-fought battle in my life. Like so many that ended these past nine months. I'm ready too, to walk away from this battlefield against God as well.
With tender care along the way of my healing journey. With the direct intervention of many shamans in my life. The best helpers I found along the way. They were each one of them, students in their own practice. Of Dr. Carl Gustav Jung.
He is, as you can likely tell with my writing. A hero in my life. A man, long dead whom I owe my life to. My very survival is due in most part psychologically to this man I now revere as a hero to me. Jung, started his own career as a shaman-of-sorts. Under the tutelage of his own mentor, Dr. Sigmund Freud.
At some point along the way, the two men had a falling out. I won't get into the details here. The story of the two men and their conflicting approaches to psychiatric and psychological care are already brilliantly publicized by many crafted writers. I'd rather encourage readers to seek this story out for themselves. With the level of my current writing skills. I humbly bow the telling of the story of Jung and Freud. To other craftsmen who have so wonderfully already completed and shared their own incredible works on the subject.
To get back to the intent in this writing. I'll share what Dr. Jung taught me in terms of psychological reconciliation with my spirit. A journey of coming to peace inside my own mind with my Creator. I know this, to follow my mentor's lead. As human-beings, animals on this earth. Living physically in the here and now. We ourselves, are not gods. Biologically, underneath this skin of ours. We remain, very much, simply flesh. Very much, simply blood and bone.
We remain male and female animals throughout our human life. Animals by nature, biologically. Although our spirit, the soul of our true self is connected to this unimaginable, immeasurable existence in the Universe. We are not the Creator.
We could do ourselves possible immeasurable psychic damage. Should we set out on our journey to find ourselves with the intent even to try to be gods.
There is good reason to not consider ourselves gods. Part of the Creator's majesty? Yes, I sincerely know we are a huge part of the magic in life. This is healthy knowledge of self. As far as I'm concerned, I personally need a sense of a higher power in my own life to keep going. In order to not feel alone in this world. It's better for me to accept there is a power in the Universe, much Greater than ourselves. All appropriate and healthy psychological recovery programs state this need emphatically. Humility is a character trait I learned the hard way I needed to find. I leave it to all readers here to decide for yourselves. Where it is you personally stand.
Here and now. Our spirits, know this God. Here on Earth as animals, we simply are not able to be all knowing and powerful. I do know, however. That it is part of our very nature as spirits to do our utmost, human best. Give it our all. In a sincere effort to try being, as best we possibly can, Just Like Him.
We are tasked on this human journey to find this source of our own power inside. The source of power our spirit knew about, coming here to earth. I know, for me. I made a choice as a spirit to live this often frightening, human experience. I like to think of the true self, the spirit inside of me, as a child of God. As a child of God, venturing out into the Universe. Deciding for itself that Planet Earth is our best teaching ground for this adventure.
I quote the words of many others when I share:
"We are not, human beings on Earth. Seeking a spiritual experience of life. We are Spiritual Beings on Earth. Seeking a Human Experience of Life."
Finding this understanding for myself. Now knowing, it is true to me. This Is True Recovery. True Healing. In recovery's most sacred and divine form. For me, discovering ultimately my own life as a myth. As a story of adventure. I now know, each and every one of us. Are a Hero, From Among the Many Thousands of Faces, Here Living On This Earth. This, my second greatest animal mentor in human life taught me. This mentor's name, is Joseph Campbell.
Inside of me, my spirit is connected directly now to the other most important mentor in my life. My inner spiritual hero remains, Jesus. My psychological heroes include the life and teachings of the Buddha. I also know my journey genetically through heredity. This part of who I am inside, includes many human faces all part of my own DNA.
My parents. My Grand-parents. My father's mother, suffered mental health issues herself when my father was an infant. She ended up dieing in Riverview Hospital on BC's West Coast. Her medical file revealing she was institutionalized for postpartum depression. Such an issue would never be treated that way in this day and age. But, I needed this history. To ensure no genetic connections to what felt very much with PTSD like insanity.
A very welcome bit of genetic history came to me through family history study. I discovered a very deep connection to Canadian History through this. Uncovering my heritage had First Nations roots. Dating all the way back to the first explorations of Canada. My Greatest Grandfather it turned out was a mapmaker. During the time of colonial expansion connected to the Hudson's Bay Company.
This truth, Peter Fidler shared in a journal he kept while mapping for the company through the Rocky Mountains. I've since misplaced my copy. Thankfully references are now appearing on the Internet to keep me connected to the myths and stories of this man in my life. These are my roots. Of which I am completely proud.
Another genetic hero of mine, is his wife. Mary Mackegone. A Swampy Cree First Nations Princess, in my mind and soul. Alive and well in my heart today. Our family, meets still regularly on Facebook. I have cousins in a group called, Descendents of Peter Fidler. Sandy Fidler, Louise Crane &Tara Bruce. To name only but a few of my cousins who visit there.
These genetic pieces of my spirit's life-puzzle. All of this information I needed to find. In order to reconcile the sins in my own father's pasts. Sins and traumas the generations imposed upon me. Like it or not, the lives of the generations before us do seep into the very fabric of our own human DNA.
With this ancestral discovery in my journeyman's seeking. I am today a Metis Citizen of Canada. Our bridge, between two races of Canadian man. I am a man who now considers myself Free and Only Answerable, to God. A Metis Man on this Planet. I have a tattoo on my right arm to act as a symbol of this inner spiritual commitment. A guide-post, so-to-speak. To remind me in future times of who I am. When I will (like all humans do) inevitably again perhaps lose my way.
I will one day here, expand a story with what I know through my research into my own life of Canadian History. As it truthfully is a story that needs to be shared. We've learned many things from the constructions within our history books, that I discovered, were misrepresentations. Some things that we've learned, in fact. Are outright, manifested lies.
For now, I'll go back to the purpose of this piece. However I'll end this section with a taste of the inner- myth of my parting spiritually as an infant, from heaven. I know, when my spirit chose to enter Earth University. Now over fifty years ago. I imagine I was given these words to guide me. Instructions, I simply as a human-being can't recall. So, I constructed my own myth. To help guide me in my own way.
These remain, the words I use to keep me focused on the journey. Parts of the walk ahead, so unknown and still perhaps plagued with dangers and disappointments. To understand my now sold faith relationship with my guide inside. This is why I continue to imagine and visualize inside myself, this friend.
My friend, Jesus who lives inside of me. As the best part, the light inside myself. This light, now that I'm in remission from mental illness. Is alive against the animal darkness that too, lives inside the soul of all living man. These are the words I use that were shared with my infant spirit, Joshua. A myth, I've created for my own mind. If he hadn't shared these words? I doubt, in retrospect. I'd been courageous enough about this adventure on earth with trauma to consider taking any risk at all of leaving heaven. To actually leave heaven for earth to live all this pain? I've shared before. There were many times along the way. I simply wanted to turn tail and run back home.
"Be Well, little one. Blessings to you, Spirit Joshua. Venture forth into the unknown. Step out into this frightening place. Go. Find your way. When you are through? Come back home, to me. Fill me in, on all you've learned. I will welcome you back, with open arms. There are lessons for you on this Planet of Mine. Walk Softly. Mind How You Go."
We can live intimately with ourselves, should we choose to. Once we learn to choose to live this way. The greater our willingness is to becoming fully self-aware. The more self-aware we can become, the easier the life journey can be.
Our trauma and experience of it. Our upbringings. Our vocation. Some of us here choosing the military and battles as part of our own journey through life's way. All of our life's experiences led us towards a full, rich appreciation and challenging of the person in our lives, living right under our own skin. This challenge came to us all, through trauma.
So, I remind us all again. Please, live well a long and courageous journey in life. The goal of this Earth University, is as I stated in the beginning:
'Know thyself and Heal the Flaws. Gently. With Self-Compassion. With Grace and Self-Forgiveness.
This is true recovery. True Healing. In Recovery's Most Sacred And Divine Form. Through all the pain and hardship of fighting off the demons of trauma. We are never alone in such suffering. Know, many are here on this earth, walking a very similar path to your own. We are your companions. Your guides, should you need our flashlights to perhaps light your path for a minute or two. Shining hopeful light within the darkness of your way. From wherever in your own life your trauma may have come to you. We are your peers now. Trust us, when you can. We will never leave you alone in your suffering. Alone to die empty on this battlefield called life.
You have my personal prayers and blessings, each and every day. And, whether or not you believe in a God. The Universe knows you. Better than you might know yourself. Or are now perhaps, simply not able to yet appreciate or understand.
Like our old friend common to all our childhoods, Dorothy in the Wizard Of Oz. Once you've found the truth of your own inner spirit. Your own truest self. You will simply tap your combat or running-shoe heels together and proudly and gratefully proclaim:
'Without a doubt. There Is No Place Like Home."
Venture forth. with courage. The answer, I trust for you all will come. We are all in various stages of what we now know as, Post Traumatic Growth. I trust one day for all of us. Our healing will become more clear. "Blessings, on your journey. Dear Friends. Please. Mind, how you go. Be Well."
Darren Michael Gregory. August, 17th, 2014. Darren is a Community and Workplace Traumatologist. Currently residing in Creston, British Columbia, Canada.
Be sure to watch the Videos. At the End Of The Reading List.
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Disclaimer: These materials and resources are presented for educational purposes only. They are not a substitute for informed medical advice or training. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified health or mental health care provider. If you have concerns, contact your health care provider, mental health professional, or your community health center. www.traumarecoverybc.com
Darren Gregory © 2014: All Rights Reserved